STOP~!

i don wan to love him anymore!!
i don wan to love him anymore!!!
i don wan to love him anymooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

pls....... someone pls help me.......................
someone pls come n knock me n let me become coma!

some ppl says the line on ur hand rounding ur thumb is ur life line
mine's a broken line... does tt mean part of my life will be...
if so, pls... now!

我需要发泄
喝酒喝到吐死
抽烟抽到肺爆炸
大哭哭到眼睛掉出来

可是我很没用
没用到这些我一样也做不到
就算能，又怎样?!
脑和心还是不会改变。。。
Is God kind enough to help me?

im not trying to gain any sympathy
juz tt it's reali out of my capacity to keep n compress all tis

since the 1st day i started tis blog
tis is meant to let him understand my thinking & feeling more
n was hoping it cud be a way of communication
but tis time... i hope he'll miss it...
hope he is busy reading some other cute cute blog which will make him happy~!

finally free

15-July-2006 5.08pm after tis 3, we concluded tat ms loh is right. Coffee Bean is better!

15-July-2006 9.07pm

finally got a shot of 3 of us... esp ms loh is in...

21-July-2006 11.43pmhehe... scared scared~~! i post this pic up. ms loh don kill me, pls...

i met ms loh n long-ge after work to company them lookin for g's present.
we had our not-so-nice dinner at a Thai restaurant at Heeren n they got g's present at the g-said 'gay' shop. Completed our mission but the nite's still young...

so we decided to catch a mid-nite show. feilong wanted to watch the pirates but ms loh who jio-ed us to watch had already watched wid someone else. den after a long negotiation between ms loh n 何大侠 at cine, of coz... ms loh won lor~! the conclusion was a korean show called 'now n forever'. but~ ms loh said watchin in The Cathay is more confortable got big screen. so... we left cine n walked to the cathay n we were damn thirsty... after got the tix, we went to tcc at parklane n there's not much time left.

tat are wat we've ordered. ms loh's lime+apple some sour sour soda drink, long's passion milk shake n mine's iced minty cafe. n after we've a taste of each other's, ms loh commented mine's the most ex among theirs but taste just like iced coffee... anyway i enjoyed it.

due to i always forgot the purpose of buying a cam - image down our life, even we're in rush for the show we still took pic for the drinks n ourselves.

n finally tat's the result of my few reminders of 'to be happenning' to ms loh~!

n after the show, the eyes of ms loh n mine were all red...

at first we tot it's a comedy coz quite funny as normal korean movie but after tat it's damn sad.... n it made me think abt myself...

y their relationship can come over such difficulties even death but mine's so weak?

dear gene, happy birthday~!

hope u really like the present n the surprise i prepared for u~!

a supposed to be happening weekend

Fri - 14.07.06
Planned to watch movie wid ms loh & 何大侠...
ms loh promised to cum out together on fri if i go sentosa wid her n mel on sat,
but ended up she said she nvr promise to watch movie, she just wan to chill out n hv some gal's talk...
so, as usual she flew me aeroplane~! den i met up wid fl.
acc fl to bugis buy new shirt dat i proposed to him
he is kind of excited & well prepared for study life in sim
~ meeting up frenz, lookin for new gal frenz~
after shopped at bugis, the nite's still young... n it's reali long q at taxi stand
so we decided to walk to town n we catched "basic insticnt" at The Cathay in the end.
ms loh, "basic insticnt" is reali quite a nice show, it's not juz a RA show lah gal.

Sat - 15.07.06
early morning 10+ waken up by ms loh asking me to join them to sentosa
ok lor i join them since i've nvr been there since pri
after i had packed everything, changed, put my cap n shoes on
the gals called
said mel's place was going to rain soon, cancelled the sentosa trip n went town for shopping
-_-*
den when we reached town, ms loh said don feel like shoppin on weekend...
-_-#
so we spent the whole afternoon at starbuck wheelock place doin nth
except i had a stick there...
den mel went to meet her darl, me n ms loh walked to ps to send my stupid motorola v3x for repair
n as usual they said it's not hardware problem n they can only upgrade the software for me
means the problem will b still there...

Sun - 16.07.06
contacted g at ard 3+ den bought him mcchicken meal for lunch
den took 14 to ps to collect back my v3x
nth to do... got a seat at secret recipe n hv a cup of latte wid some fries
sitting down there till 6+ enjoying the latte n thinking alot... wat'd happened this whole yr...
din feel like goin back yet
walked to kino at taka, hehe... mel n ms loh wanna scold me liao...
i spent 200+ including 孙协志new book<<坚持>>
left kino at ard 8:30pm den went heeren look ard
den walkin ard at orchard road... till 9+/10+ took train back to yishun

The Dream Is Over

I’m walking in the rain
行くあてもなく　傷ついた体濡らし
絡みつく 凍りのざわめき
殺し続けて　彷徨う いつまでも
Until I can forget your love

眠りは麻薬
途方にくれた 心を静かに溶かす
舞い上がる 愛を踊らせて
ふるえる身体を 記憶の薔薇につつむ
I keep my love for you to myself

Endless rain，fall on my heart 心の傷に
Let me forget all of the hate，all of the sadness

Day of joy，days of sadness slowly pass me by
As I try to hold you，you are vanishing before me
You’re just an illusion
When I’m awaken，my tears have dried
in the sand of sleep
I’m a rose blooming in the desert

It’s a dream，I’m in love with you
まどろみ抱きしめて

Endless rain，fall on my heart 心の傷に
Let me forget all of the hate，all of the sadness
I awake from my dream
I can’t find my way without you

The dream is over
声にならない 言葉を繰り返しても
高すぎる灰色の壁は
過ぎ去った日の思いを夢に写す
Until I can forget your love

Endless rain，fall on my heart 心の傷に
Let me forget all of the hate，all of the sadness

Endless rain，let me stay
evermore in your heart
Let my heart take in your tears．
take in your memories

Endless rain，fall on my heart 心の傷に
Let me forget all of the hate，all of the sadness

Endless rain

没有灵魂的躯体 =body w/o soul=

每天带着没有灵魂的躯体在街上游走
everyday walking on the street with a body w/o soul
没有了灵魂， 但为什么心还是不停的剧痛
nomore soul, why the heart is still pain tremendously

重新把全部的blog看了一遍
re-read all the blog
当初是什么心情才开始写blog
what kind of feeling was i having when i started to write blog

从第一个到现在
since the first blog till now
原来有95%的blogs都是因他而写的
actually 95% of these blogs were written because of him

当初竟没发觉失去他
initially din even know tat losing him
自己会变得如此心焚意碎
myself will be tat heart-burning

到底是什么时候
it's when
什么时候开始就已经把灵魂交给了他
it's since when i've already given my soul to him

或许一开始就已经是这样
maybe since beginning it was already like tat
只是自己在模糊真相， 不敢面对
it's just tat i've fuzzed up the truth, dare not to face it
或许一开始他就不是真的很喜欢我
perhaps he din really like me tat much since the first day
只是在找个女朋友。。。
just looking for a girlfren
make-do: 他教我的字
make-do: a word he taught me
maybe因为这样，他不曾失去他的灵魂
maybe tat's why he never lost his soul
当初如愿得到他要的开始
at tat time he got the start he wanted successfully
如今如愿得到他要的。。结。。束。。
now he got the end as wat he wishes

而我
but me
当初失去控制地丢了灵魂
lost my soul uncontrollably at tat time
如今失去控制地找不回自己
n now lost in getting back myself
谁可以教我如何招魂？
who can teach me how to call my soul back

我真的受伤了

为什么他的世界有许许多多的人自由走动
但是 就没有一个狭小的缝隙能留给我。。。


窗外阴天了　音乐低声了　
我的心开始想你了
灯光也暗了　音乐低声了　
口中的棉花糖也融化了
窗外阴天了　人是无聊了　
我的心开始想你了
电话响起了　你要说话了　
还以为你心里对我又想念了
怎么你声音变得冷淡了　
是你变了　是你变了
灯光熄灭了　音乐静止了　
滴下的眼泪已停不住了
天下起雨了　人是不快乐　
我的心真的受伤了

can i go back?

2-3weeks ago u all encouraged me to persist on it.
but now u all seem like asking me to give up...
why? u all changed ur mind already? or u all know he wnt come back to me anymore?

alot alot of questions in my heart
to him, to myself, to previous him n to previous me
but i don knw how to ask
to ask may not be dat difficult
but will i get the truth?

wan me to give up
wan me to forget it
there is only one thing comes into my mind
can i get into an accident?
i wan to meet an accident dat can make me lost my this one year memory...
let me go back to one year before
n i don wanna to know him anymore

我无法只是普通朋友

等待　我随时随地在等待　
做你感情上的依赖
我没有任何的疑问　这是爱

我猜　你早就想要说明白　
我觉得自己好失败
从天堂掉落到深渊　多无奈

我愿意改变 (what can I do)
重新再来一遍 (just give me chance)
我无法只是普通朋友　
感情已那么深　叫我怎么能放手
但你说 I only wanna be your friend 做个朋友
我在你心中只是 just a friend 不是情人
我感激你对我这样的坦白　
但我给你的爱暂时收不回来
So I 不能只是 be your friend　
I just can't be your friend no,no,no...
我不能只是做你的朋友　
不能只是做普通朋友

i don wan to hear 'give up' from u

Last sunday dragged myself back to Spore with my broken heart
bcos saturday i got rejected again...

he said, he dont want me to misunderstand
he said, he dont want to go into the relationship anymore, he likes his life now
i asked him there is no even a little bit chances? n he said, NO!
i asked him there is nothing dat will make u remember me? n he said, NO!

he wants me to give up
but... how can it be so easy?

我迷迷糊糊爱上你
却清清楚楚失去你
才一个生日一切就已成废墟
我翻来覆去想着你
爱终于让我得到教训
深情也抵不过一次 粗心大意
为何总迟了一步告诉你
为何总以为没有关系
错得如此彻底
还来不来得及

心疼他

我知道他最近一直都很忙
他一定很累了
星期天，他回去做DUTY。
然后接下来这整个星期他都得留到很晚。。。
几乎都12点多才回到家。。。

好想帮他做些什么
但是， 他一直把我推开，
我靠近不了他。。。
我可以做什么呢？

de-escalated

feeling super fucking sad when i saw my name has been de-escalated by other ppl in his blog.
den im thinking ~ hv i ever been the 1st one?
m i reali dat 失败。。。

time reali flies.
alreadi 2 months le. we alreadi broke up for 2 months le...
wat happened?
y i still feeling the sword stil punctures on my heart?
y i still feeling the bullet is still in my heart?

他说：i can only be a fren, and nothing more...
他说：pls don call me darl anymore. it's making me uncomfortable...
他说：we jus broke up only. i dun think it's good idea for us to meet up so often...

为什么他的每一句话都让我如此痛彻心扉。。。

a fren always by my side helpin me to analyse n thinkin of solution...
a fren said nvr see me like dat b4, keep askin me when i'll be going to totally gv up...

our fren asked him: 一个女生要怎样才可以打动你？
he said: when i like the gal.
so....
it's dat means there's nth i can do?
it's dat means he totally don like me anymore?
it's dat means i shd let go.... but how can be so easy....

i still miss him everyday.
everytime when i see ppl drinkin coffee, he appears in my mind enjoying his favourite latte.
everytime when i see a movie trailer, he comes in my mind wid a big cup of his favourite ice tea enjoying a show in a cinema.
everytime when i see ns-men, he appears in my mind folding his uniform.
everytime when i walk-by Subway, he comes in my mind asking wan to subway?
everytime when i hear a music, he appears in my mind shaking his leg and using his fingers to practise playing drum.
but is there something dat wil make him thinkin of me oso?
how dare i to think so... i m too normal...

going off to HK

====================================================================

http://bvqeblf.blogspot.com/2005_09_01_bvqeblf_archive.html

what about breakfast at tiffany's?

Sunday, September 25, 2005

bummer

woke up early this morning to sent wen off. actually she woke me up instead. apparently my alarm clock rang but i switched it off and went straight back to sleep. luckily she heard the alarm and woke up. otherwise she would have missed her flight and bad things happen when ppl miss flights. felt sad when i went back home without her.. suddenly missed her alot and wished she didnt have to go. well consolation is it's only gonna be for 3 days. short trip. she'll be back on tues and im looking forward to picking her up at the airport.

posted by bvqeblf @ 11:28 PM

====================================================================

7-May 1015 CX736, i'll be going to HK for work again.

9-May 1955 CX711, coming back to SG.

but this time will be without him sending me off

and without him picking me up at the airport...

“为什么？"

不是我想问你“为什么？" , 只是


我真的超想见到你啦 ! ! !

WHY ?

wooaHaaa...

u still don wan to meet me~~


YYYyyyyyyyyyyyy ? ? ?


2-wk time has already over le,

WHY still cannot meet ???

yoUr wOrds~!

=====================================
http://www.friendster.com/testimonials.php


Eugene 03/15/2006
i will always be here for you...
=====================================

But U left me ...

i mIss yOu~!

LOST~!

i'm reali soli darling.
i din appreciate ur effort to me.
i'm stupid! din realize that u r already part of me.
i kept trying not to luv u too much... cos...
i scared i'd need to face the situation now - i lost myself.

Sorry, darling! -

I'M STUPID~!

我和你啊存在一种危险关系
彼此挟持这另一部份的自己
本以为这完整了爱的定义
那就乖乖的守护着你
相爱变成猜忌怀疑的烂游戏
规则是要憋着呼吸越靠越近
但你的温柔是我唯一沉溺
你是爱我的就不怕有缝隙
在我心上用力的开一枪
让一切归零在这声巨响
如果爱是说什么都不能放
我不挣扎反正我也没差
人质在这一刻得到释放
相爱的纯粹落得如此下场
你满意吗我们都别说谎

I'M STUPID~!